If you give a king a home, he'll want to infect your entire household with a drug resistant plague

As you probably already know, I haven't posted anything in days. Maybe you didn't know, though, so, *spoiler alert* I haven't posted anything in days. This was mostly due to me catching a horrible drug resistant plague from the Lich King that Brody now keeps as a pet. I am reminded of something a wise man once told me. "If a Lich King becomes infected, everyone in the empire will be infected within the following 72 hours." I feel like I am going to die... 

First Fight

Well, the Lich King and I have inevitably had our first fight... He and I were talking about monster trucks and supermodels (you know, the stereotypical fire that boys have combusted) until he, out of the blue, asked who he thought would win the super bowl... And I told him that I didn't even like Hockey. And now he is forever angry at me for not enjoying the "art" of Hockey...

Seriously, what is so good about this?

Best Friends for a Literal Eternity

So, remember that guy that I caught? You know.. The guy that was so high that he fell from a fifty foot tall balcony? Well, I let him stay with me for the night and in the morning he and I went the fanciest restaurant for brunch and over the time of looking into each others eyes we found that there was a relationship just thriving to be nourished. And now that he and I have seen every Jordan Sparks movie together; I can safely say that he and I are now legal best friends!

BEST LEGAL FRIENDS!

 

Strike of Luck

So, I was just walking around the Earth. (Specifically under all of the fifty story balconys) And out of no where I caught this man talking with a bigger slur than racism itself...

Simply a Third Update

Apparently, aliens are not allowed inside of the United States border, because when I crossed over from Mexico, I was ambushed by a wild pack of filthy rednecks! After being harassed and spoken to in broken gibberish, a language I perfected last night, I was assaulted. I guess it is a good thing that I managed to watch all of Bruce Lee's movies in the last 48 hours, because I have completely forgotten all of my military training. Anyway, after being kicked around like a sack full of dead puppies, I managed to scare them off. Either that, or they got tired. It was really hard to understand them through a mouth full of tobacco. Wait, you probably wanted to hear about SUE. Well, Operation Kill Lich King was a complete success. Sort of. My point is, he ended up dead, but more due to him being high and falling from a fifty story balcony than us assassinating him. Anyway, he is dead and we aren't, so, I consider that a win. Also, I figured out why the virus has made my brain all spaghetti- like. Apparently, the duct tape I had prevented me from dying, but I wasn't able to recover because Brody stole the rest of my duct tape! Roar, I am so angry. Or am I? It is really hard to tell now that I am always happy. I can't even remember what I am suppose to be mad about! It is his fault that I now have the brain capacity of a gold fish!

Roar!

Simply Another Update

So, I got this virus...

Simply an Update

I'm officially in the clear of the virus kindly given to me by the Lich King. Well, sort of. I can't explain it, but I feel happier. Maybe even slightly dumber. All I want to do is dance through a field of flowers while the soundtrack to The Breakfast Club plays. I don't even really like that soundtrack, but that is all I want to do! Oh, yeah, this is an update...  Well, I guess we have made some progress on our plan. We were able to find everyone left, but that is about it. I'll try to keep you updated, but I won't make any promises.

Now, I am off, to dance!