If you give a king a home, he'll want to infect your entire household with a drug resistant plague

As you probably already know, I haven't posted anything in days. Maybe you didn't know, though, so, *spoiler alert* I haven't posted anything in days. This was mostly due to me catching a horrible drug resistant plague from the Lich King that Brody now keeps as a pet. I am reminded of something a wise man once told me. "If a Lich King becomes infected, everyone in the empire will be infected within the following 72 hours." I feel like I am going to die... 

First Fight

Well, the Lich King and I have inevitably had our first fight... He and I were talking about monster trucks and supermodels (you know, the stereotypical fire that boys have combusted) until he, out of the blue, asked who he thought would win the super bowl... And I told him that I didn't even like Hockey. And now he is forever angry at me for not enjoying the "art" of Hockey...

Seriously, what is so good about this?

Best Friends for a Literal Eternity

So, remember that guy that I caught? You know.. The guy that was so high that he fell from a fifty foot tall balcony? Well, I let him stay with me for the night and in the morning he and I went the fanciest restaurant for brunch and over the time of looking into each others eyes we found that there was a relationship just thriving to be nourished. And now that he and I have seen every Jordan Sparks movie together; I can safely say that he and I are now legal best friends!

BEST LEGAL FRIENDS!

 

Strike of Luck

So, I was just walking around the Earth. (Specifically under all of the fifty story balconys) And out of no where I caught this man talking with a bigger slur than racism itself...

Simply a Third Update

Apparently, aliens are not allowed inside of the United States border, because when I crossed over from Mexico, I was ambushed by a wild pack of filthy rednecks! After being harassed and spoken to in broken gibberish, a language I perfected last night, I was assaulted. I guess it is a good thing that I managed to watch all of Bruce Lee's movies in the last 48 hours, because I have completely forgotten all of my military training. Anyway, after being kicked around like a sack full of dead puppies, I managed to scare them off. Either that, or they got tired. It was really hard to understand them through a mouth full of tobacco. Wait, you probably wanted to hear about SUE. Well, Operation Kill Lich King was a complete success. Sort of. My point is, he ended up dead, but more due to him being high and falling from a fifty story balcony than us assassinating him. Anyway, he is dead and we aren't, so, I consider that a win. Also, I figured out why the virus has made my brain all spaghetti- like. Apparently, the duct tape I had prevented me from dying, but I wasn't able to recover because Brody stole the rest of my duct tape! Roar, I am so angry. Or am I? It is really hard to tell now that I am always happy. I can't even remember what I am suppose to be mad about! It is his fault that I now have the brain capacity of a gold fish!

Roar!

Simply Another Update

So, I got this virus...

Simply an Update

I'm officially in the clear of the virus kindly given to me by the Lich King. Well, sort of. I can't explain it, but I feel happier. Maybe even slightly dumber. All I want to do is dance through a field of flowers while the soundtrack to The Breakfast Club plays. I don't even really like that soundtrack, but that is all I want to do! Oh, yeah, this is an update...  Well, I guess we have made some progress on our plan. We were able to find everyone left, but that is about it. I'll try to keep you updated, but I won't make any promises.

Now, I am off, to dance!

My Plans are Best

Well, I bet the Lich King the Empire, and then I lost on purpose. Because I could not stand the people supporting the Empire. So, now I am going to build my own Empire...With Duct Tape. I think Alexandra has some...Give me one minute I need to check.

That should do it.

SUE Update

I am sorry to say that the SUE Empire is no longer under our command. As you already know, Brody was involved in an epic battle with the Lich King for the future of the Empire and all those under our protection. Unfortunately for us, Brody decided to up the suspense by betting the Lich King the entire Empire. Needless to say, Brody lost and now the Empire is under the Lich King's control. Brody, I, and a few others were lucky enough to escape to Earth with our lives; others were not so lucky. Brody's and my plan is to round up those remaining who are still loyal to the empire and assassinate the Lich King. I believe that all we will accomplish, however, is becoming martyrs for future generations who still hold the values of the SUE Empire dear. Michael Cera save us all...

Lich King Update

I'm sorry to say that the battle between the Lich King and Brody did not go well. Despite being highly experienced, Brody was no match for the raw brutality that is the Lich King. I am also sorry to say that, while trying to provide Brody with any assistance that I could, I became infected with the virus, originating from the Lich King, that had been the downfall of so many of the Lich. The medical staff of SUE discovered that the virus is the most aggressive in the first 48 hours. I believe my only of surviving the next 48 hours is duct tape. Lots and lots of duct tape.

That should do it.

Lich King

This is more serious than I could have ever imagined, Brody! Listen to this, the Lich King, the one endangering one of our planets is... wait for it... Fertmaster. We can't handle this on our own! He managed to do in two days what took you months to accomplish! He has built an army of Dartanyans! Please, Brody! We can't get in and save our people because whenever we do, he lets off bombs using his own unspeakable secretions. Please, if you read this, we need your help. If you don't get this in time, tell my family they can't have any of my stuff, I wish to be buried with it.
                                                                                                                                             ~Alexandra

It isn't a revolution; it's a rebellion.

If you are reading this, Brody, the empire needs your help. We have never had anything against you, it was all in your head! So, please, come out of hiding. We need you! Recently, the king on the planet Lich has formed a rebellion to over throw the empire. YOUR empire. Since he is physically unable to listen to reason, we were hoping you could come with us to Lich and idly threaten him like you do to everyone else. If you agree to help us and succeed, you are guaranteed your place back on your "throne".

Keep on Rollin

Well, I am back in the world...Alone. All of my animal army ran away. Most of them are even more successful than me... Like the little dramatic gopher went to rule North Korea!  He is such a funny little gopher. So, it is now time for me to begin another army for the war. (Or maybe I should threaten chemical warfare like my gopher..Seems unethical though...) But this time there will be no fall backs we will take over SUE.

I Walked Hard...Right out of Prison!

Well, today I got two hours of Television for prison. (For not killing someone for a few days) And on television I saw that the Dewie Cox story was on. And so I watched it...Hard. It was a life changing experience for me. It taught what it was like to have a motive and a passion for doing something. And with that...I walked hard...Straight out of Jail or Prison...(I can't completely tell the difference..It's all the same to me) So good fellow readers and happy New Year!

My View on the Games

It was rigged.